i miss him.. i miss peter.. when i talk to him i want to tell him i love him and that i will always love him but i CANT. i can't tell someone i love them if i shouldnt be with them. I feel inadequate and lonely. I have never felt like this in my whole life. Its like I can't be alone because I'll feel sad. I didn't expect to feel like this or have it turn out like this. I hope this will make me stronger or give me a better perspective. I miss myself.

Wow

I haven't wrote on here in a long time well lets just summarize: It is july and the last time I wrote in this was in may

End of May-June

-The Bachlorette Party was so much fun: great drama hahahah and great stories with nothing about me except i was sitting on the bar drinking NICE and thought I was going to die that night due to alcohol intoxication.

-The wedding was beautiful and I was so glad that suz let me invite peter- We had a blast.

Late June

-This was a bad month. Papa Wewe died. Wow writing it down like that is surreal. I still can't believe he is gone. It was a wednesday June 17th. I had just got back from clinical and was going to the gym. My dad was txting me that he was in ICU, and then i called harvey and he was like he is not doing well ling. I knew right there what was going to happen. I still can't believe he is gone- like I think about it and its still unreal. I still cry about it, because the biggest thing is that I didn't say goodbye. I never told him he was my favorite uncle. That I hoped he was proud of me. That he could of seen me graduate from nursing school and see me succeed. He and I never really had long conversations or i would tell him about my life and he would tell me about his. But that is what I loved about him. you didn't have to, it was like he knew and he loved you no matter what. I really miss him. I feel so bad for my Tita Fe and for harvey, kuya eyet and ate lindy. They were the group and it seems so empty even though only one person isn't there. I would of loved to just say I loved him and that he was my favorite uncle.

July

Classes were crappy this month. I was lazy and unmotivated, but I had the help of angels in heaven and on earth to get me through it. Unfortunately, we lost Sharon. I still can't believe it. I wasn't prepared for it. I was prepared for us walking together in graduation. Its amazing how good people like her can be treated like that. How life can be so cruel. She was my best buddy. She was there for me when Papa Wewe died. She called me everyday and made sure I was ok. She and lidija helped me with my exam. They were so good to me and I just can't understand why this happened. My hearts hurt.

***i miss yoga, i have been so unbalanced emotionally and physically. i want to go back and get centered, but i dont know. hopefully the money will come.

yummy

Hopefully when I have alot of money I can open this mini dining place that has a drive thru.

Egg

*Egg White Omlette with Goat Cheese, Fresh Strawberries, and Strawberry Sauce.

* 2 Egg Omlette with Kelbasa sausage and Italian Sausage and Jalepeno cheese.

* Egg White Omlette with Spinach, Goat cheese, Mozzerela, and tomatoes

*Egg Omelette, Red, Yellow, and Green pepper with Colby cheese and black pepper

Coffee

-the espresso sampler: 4 xsmall cups of coffee with : dulce, cocoa, vanilla bean, and ground cinnamon.

-Soy coffee, with 1-2 shots of espresso, dark strong coffee, splenda and caramel, vanilla, or mocha syrup.

Fruit

-fruity: pineapple, mango, black grapes, and blackberries with a side of greek yogurt.

-bananas and optional peanut butter cup/ roasted almonds.

-apple array: three different types of apples: cut in cubes optional peanut butter on the side or pinch of cinnamon.

Nuts (can be dipped in dark chocolate)

-Assorted Nuts: roasted, garliced, hot pepper, sweet honey

-Almonds: roasted, garliced, hot pepper, sweet honey

-Cashews: roasted, garliced, hot pepper, sweet honey

-Pistachios: roasted, garliced, hot pepper, sweet honey

Chicken

-Roman Ceaser Salad

-Greek Goddess Salad

- The Mexican Salad

Pork

-Cuba Libre

- Mabuhay

Soup

-2 bean soup: Red and black

-

I feel like something is wrong with me. I dont know I just feel like down. like i'm missing something and nothing can fill it. I just felt like that today. I dont want to take my exam tomorrow. I just feel like in a familar rut. I just want something beautiful and new to happen but i feel like it wont because my schedule is very structured. I want peter to surprise me and be romantic or something. I want to find a new friend. I need someone or something. It might be that i havent done yoga in a long time. But i can't afford it right now. Yea i think it is yoga. Unbelieveable. the impact it has on me. It's like you can go to the gym everyday, but the mental benefits of yoga are immeasurable. i miss it. I wish i was as good as tracy in my class. but ill get there in my own way. I need to remeber that. I WILL GET TO WHERE I WANT TO GO BUT ONLY IN MY OWN WAY.

Just go back from Key West yesterday, sooo much fun! I'm burnt on my body and really tired :( It was really fun going with Peter, Munjal, Tien, Fleurdyls, and Prianca. haha i love everyones name-I had alot of fun! We went snorkeling, sailing, kayaking, jet skiiing, beach volleyball, swimming! It felt like a long vacation but it was only 4 days and three nights! and there was no alcohol involved WOW! haha i was excited peter and i got to spend some time together and I got to know his friends and family! It made me wish I was young again, I'm reflecting today and it feels weird. But im happy and can't wait to see pics!

im feeling so yucky this past weekend. I got sick on friday, call in sick for saturday and trying to get better today! thank goodness for my sweet boyfriend who brought me soup and medicine on friday and my dad for making me soup and making me gargle every minute of the day, which i should i go do right now. man ive been getting sick alot.

I think I have the flu, I check it online and it matched the symptoms I'm feeling. I felt dehydrated all day yesterday even though I drank maybe 2L of water, soup, and upped my vitamin c with fruits. I feel aweful. Better news, the lady Juni passed her nursing boards and will prob start working in April in the ICU! how exciting! She's my hero- I really hope that I will get there one day. Sometime I feel so bad about myself and how I got to this position, but I know God is working inside of me, and that I just need to TRUST him! With all my HEART and with all my MIND! I wish i couldve gone out tonight, i miss my friends and it would have been fun :(